2020 - 2023

          Not only was my divorce final in January of 2016, but from that time to the end of 2021 I knew about 45 people who passed away. I knew them either through social media, ex co-workers, friends and even family members. Out of those 45 people, 12 of them were close to me and that includes my parents, several best friends and other family members I was close to. My parents passed away 13 months apart, and in between that time I almost lost my life. I miss calculated a hiking trail and ended up hiking in the dark. I hiked up on a mountain lion and decided to jump off the side of the mountain. 

A lot happened in those short 6 years. Depression hit me hard after my mom passed and I thought about taking my own life. One of my best friends helped me get through that bad patch and I am grateful for her. Not only was I dealing with grief during that time, but I had many people lie to me, lie about me, and even use me. When you are dealing with that much grief, you cannot think clearly.

I was in a jeep group during the time that my parents passed away, and I believed that some of them wanted to be my friend and get to know me. During that time there was someone in that group that just caused chaos and lied to people to cause drama. A guy I dated in the group lied about having a girlfriend and later I found out she was living with him. I was made to look bad even though I was lied to. There was a girl in the group that I got close with but later realized that she was just using me. It is hard to realize at times that some people do not have the same heart or intentions as you do, and when that happens you get hurt.

My life has had many ups and downs, as like many people have to deal with in their own lives. I was raised . . . you do for family; you be there for them. Unfortunately, I found out the hard why that not all family members are that way. I decided to leave my career in teaching, and pursue a career being a creative. Working on my art and photography. I had a family member help me out and let me move in because someone cut and pulled the electric line from the pole to my house. Depression hit me hard at this time and there were days it was hard to even get out of bed. I had no debt as I got out of that and stayed out in 2007. I had saved up some money and more was coming in as I was able to sell off some assets. As I had a few bills and no debt, I had enough to last for several years. Unfortunately, I had a family member and a guy I was dating at the time ask for money. Combined, they owe me a lot of money. I know and understand that it was my choices that put me in a bad position. My judgement on this was heavily clouded because of everything I went through. Because of that, I ended up draining my account and having to sell off my vehicles that were paid off to cover my expenses. I eventually moved in with a friend after having a falling out with this family member, and because of what happened, I no longer speak or have contact with this family member. I eventually moved onto my school bus in late February or early March of 2020.

2020 was tough as COVID started to ramp up and travel was not an option. My plan was to move up to Kentucky and convert the school bus, but I was not able to travel until August of 2020. My ex-in-laws helped me go through all of my storage units and get me ready for my move to Kentucky. August came and I was finally able to move. It was a tough decision to leave Texas, but looking back, it was what I needed. Through all of the grief and trauma, I was able to learn who was there for me and who was not. It opened my eyes to see things from a different perspective and to help me start caring about myself.

I finally was able to get on the road to Kentucky. When I finally made it to my destination, the guy I was dating ghosted me. After a month he started talking to me again, and then I started to find out all the lies he had told me over the years. It was very eye opening, and I’m sure many people would rub it in my face and say, “I told you so”. Funny thing is, I do not want either of those type of people in my life anymore. When you start healing yourself, you realize your worth, and do not allow those that want to hold you down in your life anymore. Before Christmas of 2020, I decided to start blocking those people on social media, and in my life. It wasn’t until after Valentine’s Day of 2021 that several of those people realized I blocked them, one being the guy I was dating. That caused a lot of issues, but here is a question . . . Is it really dating if they ignore you and don’t include you in their life??? 

From that point on I really started to work through all the grief and trauma I had been through in that short amount of time. There were days I stayed in bed cried, and other days I was able to fully function and work on my art and photography. I also started going through all of the boxes that were on the bus so that I could downsize once again. When you go from a 3-bedroom house to a school bus, not all of your stuff is going to fit. You will have to get rid of a lot more than what you realize, kind of like being very minimalistic. It was tough to get rid of my things as it kept reminding me of everyone and everything I had already lost. This took several years for me to finally complete and get everything moved off of the bus so I can start working on it.

Driving from Texas to Kentucky was interesting as I had never driven something that size before. I learned a lot from that drive up . . . about the bus and about myself. Life is really about the journey and not the destination. It is about those that step up and help you when you can’t seem to help yourself. The friends who become like family because you realize that without them that you might not have made it. It is about appreciating the little things because those little things is what make the big things worth it. I not only went on a journey from one state to the next, I went on a journey of healing and getting to know myself. I do not think many people go on a journey to know oneself. That usually happens when something big happens, and they finally decide to own the choices they have made along the way. Everything we go through brings us to exactly where we need to be, and that is a place that we want and choose to be. You might not understand it at the time, but when you look back it will make sense. The things you go through prepares you for your dreams and your purpose in life. All you need to do is embrace it all and enjoy the journey.